Dear Adam

When you were little, and I’d think ahead to the future, I’d always feel a twinge of sadness and dread. I couldn’t fathom you getting older. I couldn’t imagine your little baby-round feet maturing. You’re growing taller than me. Adult teeth. The beginnings of body hair. A skincare regimen. The signs of being on the brink of teenage life.

But here we are. 12. The last year of childhood for you. And, yes, it tugs at my mamma’s heart a bit, but honestly? It’s a transition of joy more than sadness. Of excitement more than dread. Of eagerness and sometimes of longing for that tiny body next to me. Your baby voice and your intelligent mind.  I watched those little freckles present themselves on your face as I thought it was sand. Yes, I am that silly.

I can’t imagine you being 13, 14, and 16. I’m here for it and am excited to experience it with you!

You and I have always had our special bond and connection, and I am so thankful that I don’t foresee any change in that anytime soon. You look like me—exactly like me. I’m already praying that your future wife sees me and our bond as an asset and not an annoyance. Hopefully, I can tread that line smoothly!

I love our talks. Our nightly chats. Our discussions. Me – sharing history lessons with you. You know you can talk to me about ANYTHING, and it means the world that YOU DO. I love that you aren’t embarrassed or nervous to ask me anything, and it’s never awkward or uncomfortable for either of us, no matter the topic.

I do my best to be available. I want you to share your heart and know I’m a safe space, but I will never nag you or force things out of you. Our connection is easy and natural, and those moments when you choose to open up are always ones I cherish so much.

You have always made me proud, but the older you get, the more reasons I have to be proud of you and who you are. I trust you fully and will continue until I have reasons not to.

You have such a strong moral compass and personal values. You choose to do right. And when in doubt? You ASK. You don’t just do something and ask for forgiveness later; you like that assurance that what you think is the right choice, and it makes being your parent so easy because we KNOW we can trust you no matter the situation. As you get older and have more freedom, this quality will allow you to enjoy more independence because we know you’ll ask us whenever any problem causes you to pause and contemplate!

I know you’ll be the first baby I’ll have to let go of in many ways, and it’s a blessing to me to let you go in little moments rather than in leaps when you reach adulthood.

Even as you begin to embrace independence, I know you know you have me in your corner, always there rooting for you and loving you. Our bond doesn’t require entertainment or busyness. I am your mamma. You are my son. That is enough!

You’ve done so well rolling with things as they’ve come and have adapted so beautifully to life in upper primary school. You have found YOUR PLACE and VOICE; nothing makes me happier than seeing you SHINE.

Your sense of humour, your dry sense of humour, is so funny; it reminds me of Dadda and how he is able to make me smile. I love how shy you are. How polite you are. How you ask when you want a koekie.

I’ve always known you’re super awesome and I’m so glad to see you let that side of you shine and for you to embrace the unique qualities that make you the incredible person YOU are!

Own it and embrace it and be unapologeticly who God designed you to be! It’s my mission to firmly plant that truth within you as I know it’ll help guide you through the upcoming teen years if you just embrace and love yourself and be PROUD of who you are. Because, my sweet boy, you are AMAZING.

I’m so proud of how you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone and gotten to know other kids and how much you love tennis. How you have fitted in at after care.

I love how you are my go-to person to remind me of appointments or things your sister has to do. I know by telling you, things will not be forgotten.

I am so blessed to be your mamma. I know God’s love for me when I look at my babies and I just could pinch myself to really believe that I am THIS fortunate. You are everything a mamma could ever wish for and I am so honored to get to be the one to raise you.

You’ll be tested and tried, and sometimes, you won’t make the right choice. But my love is unwavering and unending and will never, ever be broken. I promise you, my son. I am your mom, and I love you unconditionally. I may have times when you disappoint me, but I will never disappoint you or let you down. No matter what. I love you so so much and ALWAYS will.

Happy Birthday, Muffin!

Love, Mommy