What a season I have been in! Over the years I met people and I tend to be the one who overcompensates, it is I who will be texting first and checking up on etc.
But this season, I decided “wait a minute Zen, take a step back and see if they will come towards you”, let me tell you the disappointment was real. It was at this moment that I realized that we as a people can be extremely selfish. I pride myself in being considerate and thoughtful so I would try my best to treat you as I want to be treated. Recently I had a very close relationship and I consistently gave more than the other person and when I realized that I was the only one invested, my heart was shattered.
I mean you don’t go around having pessimistic thoughts about people and at one point I was like, you know, is this just the way they are? Cause if so why pretend to be into me… It dawned on me while I chose them, they didn’t choose me and that was a bitter pill to swallow. I like to understand and the more I tried to speak my truth and even ask for clarity none was given. And I had to decide to walk away. I also realized the importance of mutual effort and choosing people.
When one is more invested than the other, you give room for bitterness and resentment to take root and eventually poor character starts to be displayed. A Lot of people are numb and not in touch with their emotions which makes it even harder for you as an awakened person to communicate and be understood because people understand from their point of perception and understanding and at the point that they are awakened.
It was hard to get to a place of peace and contentment and to make the decision to match effort. Us givers don’t necessarily know when to stop giving, we often give to our own detriment, but let me tell you when I decided to surrender to the process of choosing who chose me, my life became more peaceful and drama-less.
I struggled to accept that someone didn’t choose me on the same level that I chose them but I also realize that seasons come and go and perhaps them not choosing me meant that the season came to an end. You also realize when you start choosing yourself and setting boundaries , your boundaries will expose people’s true intentions and it’s at this moment that you must be sober minded and see things for what they are and not for the potential of what they could be.
While I am choosing those who choose me now, it is still a growing process and also an unlearning of things which is not easy but doable and so I take it one day at a time.
Most importantly choose yourself above all else and see how different your life will be.
All my love,