Written by Geraldine Muteka

Wellness

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11 Oct, 2021

I am not ready to write this piece. Really…that’s how I landed on this topic. I knew I needed to write a post, but I am simply not ready. Here is the thing: I have not been ready for a few days now. 

And it is not necessarily that I have been busy. That too…After all, I am the mother of a toddler and two teenagers; I am in a committed relationship with my husband; I am in a senior position at my workplace; and I play consultant on a regular basis. So in short, I am the textbook definition of busy. 

This has however, been my life for more than a year now, so being busy is not the reason I could not write lately. I decided to play detective and put on my curiosity goggles to look at myself, my feelings, my experiences with fresh eyes whilst I try to make sense of this incredible wall that I seem to have hit. While this sounds easy on paper, it is a lot more difficult in practice because it is a total act of intentionality. Intentionality, simply put, is the act of doing it with reason and purpose. 

It required a razor focus from my end. I have been quick to judge myself and especially my feelings in the past. I have come a long way since learning to practice mindfulness and still not judging remains a conscious practice that requires awareness and intention on my end.  I followed this process for a few days and the outcome was the title of this writing. I was not ready. I am at a stage in my life where I am doing the work in critical parts of my being, my emotions, and my mind. It is a remarkable process; it is a process that takes away in other areas and my writing is one of those areas. I will tell you more about this journey at a later stage. 

After discovering the reason for my inability to write, I considered my options. Taking a break from writing posts until I am ready sounded like a reasonable option. Curiosity goggles however saw an opportunity and I wondered what writing about this experience would look like. What if other people experience this as well? When they are fully committed to executing the task, have all the resources, have done it before, but this time they are simply not ready. 

Asking this question helped me realize that I have been at this juncture before in my life, both at home and in the workplace. I did not see it as such at the time. In most cases I complained, I stalled, I looked for ways to not have to do what is required. This time though, I decided to write. I am not ready to write, but I can still write. So, this post may be one of those that are destined for the dustbin or it will be a post that might give you and I hope. A post that reminds us that there will be many moments in our homes and in the workplace where we will not be ready and that is a part of the human experience. 

We can then choose how we deal with that realization. Next time I may take a break, but this time I chose to write. This “not being ready” is a part of me too. A part that needs to be seen and heard as well. 

Wellness is knowing and loving all your parts as you actively pursue holistic health. 

Till the next post!

Stay committed to your growth.

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