One of the hardest lessons is to admit and acknowledge that you (I am) toxic.
Remnants of my past still lurk within me and projecting past behaviours based on triggers affect new found relationships. We see things in the way we perceive them. That doesn’t mean that they are true, it is just how we see them and when we are not self aware these remnants ruin good friendships and relationships. They even end new relationships before they begin.
I have embarked on really getting to know myself; why I am wired the way that I am and why I do certain things in a certain way. Making the choice to embrace all of me has not been easy because I am my own worst nightmare. If anyone is hardest on me, it’s me. If anyone can pass judgment on me, it is me and this in itself can cause so much stagnation and discontentment within myself.
A close friend of mine said to me the other day, “I don’t bother saying anything because you are never wrong” and in my mind I didn’t perceive myself that way, yet that is how I came across. I realised that I needed to relook at how I communicate for the betterment of the friendship.
Loving myself and my flaws has allowed me to be flexible in a way that preserves the relationships that mean alot to me and I have resolved that it is because of the love I have for myself that I am able to adjust and accommodate so that I don’t lose anyone. Instead, I am able to work on myself while preserving the relationship.
It does take courage and honesty with the self to admit that we have toxic traits and we must be willing to identify and regroup in order to move forward. It’s not easy, but it is worth the work because being emotionally sound is the ultimate gift you can give yourself and this paves the way for healthy relationships and friendships.
The effects of toxic relationships will linger long after the relationship has ended and you owe it to yourself to know your triggers so that you can make better choices and unlearn behaviours, and eventually, become emotionally healthy and have a chance at better friendships and relationships.
All my love