Written by Geraldine Muteka

Wellness

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19 Apr, 2022

This is my truth now and I wish I fully embraced this many years ago. I am still working on the embracing part, though. What I did realize is that what has held me back for a long time is shame, the feeling that if I cannot live up to the ideal then I am a failure. Even as I am writing this I am fully aware that what I am now sharing as my truth may be interpreted as me being lazy or not having the full picture or a myriad of other reasons by people who truly believe that one can have it all. 

I hold no I’ll feelings towards individuals who have a different opinion and I extend my well wishes to them on their individual journey. As for me I am pursuing a life of not having and doing it all. So why this realization now? It is not as if I did not read many articles, listen to many testimonies of women before me sharing this same truth. 

I have learnt that there is a difference between knowing a truth and owning a truth. So, I guess up to now I have known this truth, but I did not own it. I.e. it was not my truth. “I cannot have / do it all” is now my truth. Even though I am still learning how to embrace it and unlearning old ways of wanting to do it all, I can already experience tremendous relief, freedom and joy just from the deep realization that this is true for me. 

This huge discovery was brought about by recent experiences. In recent times I have spent a significant amount of time in what I call the “overwhelm”. The “overwhelm” is a state or place where the demands (whether by the world or myself) placed on me far exceeds the resources (both internal and external) available to me. As can be expected it took a huge toll on my holistic being; my body, my mind, my soul, and my spirit. It also deeply impacted my relationships, and this includes all my relationships. The relationship with myself, with my Creator, with my husband and children, with my intimate circle of siblings and close friends, my relationships at work and all the other levels even my interactions with acquaintances.

While I was in the “overwhelm”, I showed up differently in most situations. I mostly showed up exhausted because I was bone tired. I said yes to things that I wanted to say no to, because I did not have the energy to experience someone else’s disappointment. The list is long and maybe in a next post I can spend more time speaking about what living in the overwhelm looked like to me. 

Parts of me are still in the overwhelm at times, especially my body – lack of sleep is a killer. Parts of me, especially my mind, are already venturing in parts of the “clearing”. “Clearing” is my word for the space where my resources enjoy priority and the demands are adjusted according to the resources. 

Moving into the clearing starts with my truth – “I cannot have / do it all”. What this truth will look like practically in my life is the incredible journey that lies ahead of me. 

Where do you find yourself right now? If it is in the “overwhelm”, I hope hearing a piece of my journey speaks to you and reminds you that you are not alone. If you are in the “clearing”, I hope you treasure this and have compassion for those who are in the “overwhelm”.  

Till the next post …



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