Treating your kids the same is such a difficult task.
You obviously love them the same – one you have loved longer than the other, but nevertheless a mothers heart cannot distinguish between her kiddos. My two, Adam 9 and Luca 5 could not be more different. Adam is a quiet, reserved child. He will keep himself busy for hours. He’s smart and has a heart of gold. Adam takes a lot after me, he has a kind and careful soul. Always questions everything and takes guidance so well.
Lucie on the other hand is fierce and very strong willed. This one pushes boundaries all the time. She is scared of nothing, and dives into everything head first. She’s smart, but hides it so she doesn’t have to participate in something that bores her or if it carries on for too long. She already knows she wants to be a teacher one day and a fashion designer. She has strong opinions and will argue her way until she gets what she wants.
We also raised them very differently. When Adam was born I was working full time in Walvis Bay and I was never around. He learnt to live without me which I think made him so independent. He had strict bedtime routines and knew exactly what we would allow and what not from a very very early age. Our friends used to say we are way too strict on him, but I mean look at him today. He is a disciplined little boy and we have no issues with him, not at school or at home.
Today he finds it so difficult to deal with his sister because she wants to do everything that is not allowed. She is, however, her brother’s keeper. She encourages him when he’s scared of something and she’s the first one to clap hands for him. Both our children were put in school when they turned 1. This we believe helped a lot with discipline and their development all together and they both love going to school, today still. We play to their strengths and try to develop it, also when they need help with something we ensure we get it for them or try to guide them if they are dealing with a difficult situation at school or otherwise.
The way we discipline them is very different. Whereas Adam will not put himself in a position where he needs to be dealt with and on the odd occasion that he does you can explain things to him, he understands and refrain from repeating behavior we don’t agree with. Whereas Luca I think sometimes cries all the time. When you explain to her what she’s doing that causes a reaction from us, she turns around and does it again.
My husband and I also have very different parenting styles at times however mostly we can agree, or decide what is best and move forward with that. We’ve learnt not to compare them and what works for the one rolls off the others back.
They are such different humans and they bring a variety of spice to our world.
Overall having a better understanding of how your child thinks, feels, learns and reacts in different situations makes it easier to parent them differently.