For years I felt responsible for others behaviors, or felt a certain kind of way when they behave a certain way towards me and I most often than not adjusted, but this behavior of mine was fueled by my internal dialogue that said I wasn’t good enough, so when someone came at me with wrongful behavior I immediately thought I was the problem. Until I embarked on my journey towards wholeness…

Then I discovered that I am responsible for what I say, do and how I treat others. Because how I respond or react is a reflection of me and I began to sow the seeds that I wanted to see flourish in my life and as the years went by I became more self aware and assertive.

Having been married to a man who was very domineering and also had a way of making me feel like I was the problem for all the years and his behavior was never a problem, I was led to believe at some point, yeah I am the issue and so my behavior would match thay of the victim.

It is so easy to take the victim approach as the whole world owes you something and you are always right. I learned to hold myself accountable for my behavior in all aspects and relations I had with people. I have read many books to assist me in my self discovery journey to help me become a better human being.

What I am learning even today is that many people do not have the emotional intellect or emotional know-how to handle things differently. They remain stuck in dysfunction and constantly take the victim approach in pointing fingers, it’s never them always you/me.

As I am still on this journey of discovery, I have implemented holding people accountable for their behaviors towards me, I call them out on their behavior not to down them, but to make them aware of how their behavior affects me in the hope for change to come about and when change does not occur I put up my boundaries and I reinforce.

When someone says ‘You made me do this…’ my response is no, I am not responsible for the behavior you choose to have, that’s on you. I am learning that people are not their behaviors and depending on the depth of the relationship or friendship, one can choose to stay or walk away in the end the choice is yours and mine. 

Hold your people accountable so that healthy relationships can be birthed and longevity to be your portion. 

All my love 

Zen