Rejection…

“the action of spurning a person’s affections”. Also, “dismissing an idea or person”.

For years I have been walking around with this wound of rejection that has gotten me into sticky situations, ones I never imagined myself to be in, nevertheless found myself in them anyway.

My rejection stems from a series of events that happened in my life from my parent’s divorce, to my first sexual encounter and being rejected by the one person I have given three beautiful daughters to. All these events have had me look for acceptance in many ways: by doing things for people, serving without ever asking for any reciprocation. 

Wanting to be accepted had me trade my most valuable and beautiful virtue, offering it to the wrong people who ended up using me and violating me. That did not make me feel accepted, it made me feel dirty.

The longing of my heart to be accepted had me in so many places with so many people and all they did and manifested was my deepest fear.  It kept the wound of rejection open. I have asked so many times, “am I ever going to feel loved, accepted?”. Even my siblings reject me and I have been a loner for the longest time. One would think I would just give up, because what’s the point of hoping? Well, there is always hope and one has to believe that there is better in store.

My rejection has lead me straight into the arms of the lover of my soul, Jesus, and He has accepted me with all my stuff, with all my junk, with all my shortcomings. He has accepted me and what I have resolved in this time is that it doesn’t matter who rejected me, all that matters is who accepts me every single day. 

That is my heavenly Father.

All my love

Zen