For years I have had to fight for my voice, I stood infront of someone and shouted that I need love, I had to shout and say I also deserve care, support encouragement, motivation, empathy and understanding…
So many times I have had to pick myself up from a dark place, just one more time Zen, don’t give up, push back. Push back in prayer. I wrote so many journals full to capacity, it was my only solace and let out, for years I only had God who knew my innermost and knew my everything.
In the pages of my journal that is where I met God in the most intimate way. Never did I have tangible person to be real with, the one I chose to marry was always emotionally unavailable and all I experienced with him was a break down of my self worth and humanity. But God kept me.
In 2021 I was set free, not only from my prison of a marriage but also I was now able to fly, like the caged bird that sings, I was able to get out of cage to fly and live and that is what my life has been since July 2021.
I letter to myself, a letter of courage, a letter of living life, a letter of finding my true self, a letter of being sold out for Jesus, a letter of being the best version of myself, a letter of smashing goals and obtaining so many things, a letter of homeownership and the best one a letter of finding true love, a love that builds me, a love that supports me, a love that is a reflection of Christ, a love that fights for me, a love that never gives up, a love that sits with me in my darkest moments a love that is there when I need it the most, a love that is patient, a love that is kind, a love that is generous, a love that challenges me and that doesn’t put up with my nonsense, I finally found a love that loves me for me.
This year (2023) I will not just survive, I will thrive because God is busy restoring my life and I know this is but just the beginning.
As I type this I am filled with so much joy and contentment because I have finally stopped fighting for what I deserve and I have gotten out of my own way to receive that which God has taught me I deserve.
Most of the time, we stand in our own way. I fought this love for almost a whole year because I thought I was not deserving but God always has the final say.
We all deseve the very best in life, don’t let how someone treated you take that truth away.
All my love