What is for me won’t pass me by.
A few days now because I was really not feeling 100% I was needy, in need of human touch and just love in the form of a hug, I was completely out of character, and of course followed through with action and behaviour that caused chaos and more drama.
Let me tell you I can do bad all by myself and I can do drama too, for the life of me I don’t know where I come with all these words but I can write essays (ask my person, he be on the receiving end of it all) but here is the thing, we need to learn to self sooth, like my heart was yearning to get a hug from my special person and it didn’t happen, that made me miserable but instead of receiving the hug my daughter gave me and I didn’t embrace her back because I was so in my feelings, and acting like a spoilt brat.
I told myself last night, what do you have Zen and I made a list of what I have and it turned out to be a thankful list, and I realised that I just need to readjust and align again. I need to go back to the last thing God told me to do, which I am like no where near finished, because I was sidetracked with my physical health not being on par, I just let other things slide and went back to my default behaviour which made me do the whole “Why me Lord?” And that’s a place that I didn’t want to be in… But here I was.
I adjusted my schedule, prayed this morning and I needed to get somewhere just for God to break whatever it was in me that is holding me back, we often wait for people to respond to us because we are under the impression they will do for us what we will so easily do for them, but life gives us rude awakenings.
You are allowed to readjust, realign and refuel as much as you need to, but what you cannot do is give up. I am stubborn and perhaps selfish too, a little controlling as well and these are the things that God wants to purge me of, it’s not comfortable being in the refiners fire but you know what, the closer you get to God, the more He transforms you from the inside out.
I need to readjust right now. I suck at relationships with the opposite sex, I feel like I am constantly getting it wrong, perhaps cause I want to do old things with a new thing and that does not work, but I can most certainly leave what doesn’t work in God’s capable hands and focus my energy of the task God has called me to for this season.
That means I must trust God to work it out for my good, it’s unnerving and very overwhelming to trust the unknown but I have nothing to lose but my ego.
So here’s to realignment and adjusting once more and keeping my eyes on Jesus!
All my love,